Monday, October 11, 2004

Seeing as how I have always wanted to make a movie (in high school I never
said I 'wanted' to 'grow up and be' a director....I said " I AM a director!" "I
am a writer!") I saw this quiz on Bruce Campbell's website and had to take it. I
love him, I'd have such a hard time not molesting him if we ever met. Please
visit his website, it rocks. Oh! And if you have a minute...check out this nasty
letter he wrote his phone company...I sooo feel his pain.


Hollywood Questionnaire

To all good people contemplating a leap into the fridgid waters of the
entertainment industry, please read the attached questionnaire. I consider this
to be a kind of litmus test for those of you with grand aspirations. Read,
ponder, act...


Bruce "Mr. Know-It-All" Campbell

I aspire for a career in the film/television industry because:

a) I need a quick million:
b) I have personal problems and being rich and famous will solve them.
c) I failed as a Clinical Psychologist.
d) I've got show biz in my blood.

My ultimate goal(s) is(are):

a) To win an Academy Award © or:
___1) An Emmy
___2) A Star on Hollywood Blvd.
___3) A trip to Disneyland.
b) To be famous. I will be famous when:
___1) I win a Peoples Choice Award.
___2) I get recognized at my high school reunion.
___3) Everyone on the planet knows and loves me.
c) To be stinkin' rich. I will be rich when:
___1) My phone stops getting cut off.
___2) I can buy medicine for little Billy.
___3) I can do a leveraged buyout of MCA and cast myself in anything I want.
d) Both b and c.
e) To be gainfully employed doing what I enjoy.

My main cultural influences are:

a) Films where things blow up a lot.
b) Nick at Nite.
c) Literature.
d) Life.

I hope to become involved in this type of project:

a) Story-driven.
b) Genre-driven.
c) Forget it, Mom will drive.

I know I am talented because:

a) Um, because my friends and loved ones say so?
b) I know it in my heart.
c) I received the "Ken and Barbie" award in high school.
d) I have an extensive resume.

I define talent as:

a) The ability to do one thing, really well.
b) The ability to be mediocre at lots and lots of things.
c) The ability to suck the chrome off a trailer hitch.
d) The ability to make my friends think I'm cool.

My unique talent lies:

a) In front of the camera - I want to act.
b) Behind the camera - I want to direct...oh yeah, and
write too...

c) In front and behind the camera - I want to be a hyphenated person.
d) Behind the Auto Parts store.

I define the success of a film by:

a) How well it does at the Box Office.
b) How well it is received by the critics.
c) How hard everyone worked on it.
d) How many good-looking women/men I met on the crew.

I will be successful when:

a) I meet the right people.
b) My new Hummer arrives.
c) I own my own island.
d) I get that tummy tuck for Christmas.
e) Hell freezes over.
f) Nonsense, I am successful now.

I will fail if:

a) I don't meet the right people.
b) Failure is not an option.
c) Enough people tell me I will.
d) The odds are too great.

The market price of my soul is:
(hint: you will need to know this at some point)

a) $1,000,000 in tax-free Municipal Bonds.
b) 3 magic beans.
c) I cannot be bought! My self-esteem is priceless!
* Take this test before you ride the rails west. Hint: there are no right or
wrong answers.

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