I don’t update enough anymore. I know that, I feel bad about it, and I’ve been chastised for it by a bunch more people than ever reply to my posts. I’ve gone into a bit of a cocoon lately; sleeping a lot, writing and doodling when I am not sleeping. I generally talk to my boys, my cat and intentionally leave my phone off the charger so no one can sneak a call in to me. I don’t know why exactly it is, but I have these terrible spells of withdraw from the world. I don’t remember if I was ever that way in highschool, but I know since getting out on my own I have developed a tendency to hide from people.
No real valid reason why...just an irrational need to be out of contact.
I think a lot of it probably comes from when I first moved out and had to deal with a lot of animosity from people because I was homeless. People tend to look on you as if any moment you are going to start asking for handouts and favors and suck the life right out of them simply because you are living out of a car. Then once I got a place it was one hassle after another, eviction notices like clockwork every month, insane land lords, bill collectors and a whole host of people popping up on my door step with nothing but ill intent in mind.
I attract trouble types. Needy people, desperate people, people that will stab you in the back if it will get them ten bucks for a Big Mac and fry. I wish I was exaggerating. Once I got settled in a house (I couldn’t really afford), news got around quick that I never turned anyone out. Honestly, how could I after not having a home of my own for so long? I’ve woken up before and realized out of the six people laid out in my floor, and on my couch, five of them were complete strangers. I’ve had people walk in, camp out and just not leave, who’s names I to this day couldn’t tell ya.
Was barely able to feed myself, kept a running habit of being exactly 29 days late on the electric (just close enough to keep it on) and somehow in spite of that managed to get a reputation for taking in strays, handing out food, giving people rides to job interviews and generally being a big ol door mat. My phone rang constantly (when I could afford to have one) with people demanding I pay this now or suffer ultimate financial doom (too late) and people wanting me to come do this or that or the other for them.
My first winter out on my own Freezing and Starvation were competing for which was going to kill me first...and then I got chickenpox (at 17!) and the flu. I didn’t have a phone to ring, didn’t have heat, barely had a roof, and not one visitor in almost two months. I get my shit basically together on my own, got a job at the waffle house (which came with free meals coming on and going off the clock) and suddenly my door, my phone, my car, is seeing more traffic than Dillon's bed.
So, that’s probably where I really started withdrawing. I still don’t turn down people that need a place to stay (unless I think they may be a danger to the boys) but I do make it very difficult to find me, keep my number unlisted, and I screen my calls. The only way I can be reached is through the internet, and even though I changed my name completely, a lot still manage to find me. I’ve also picked up new people to harass me, with each day I get a new email to add to my stack of "hate me/ date me / give me something free" people.
I don’t mean to lump everyone in when I disappear. There are a lot of people I really enjoy talking with, and would like to talk to more, but usually my time with them is split between actually hanging out with them, and filtering out the morons I can’t shake. So, I get sick, I get stressed, and I get gone. Unfortunately, rarely to think of telling the few people I actually miss being around what the deal is. Heh...I’m a flake.
But anyways, that was over drawn to a ridiculous degree...I have a few updates.
One is a story I posted on here before but it’s had a wee bit of editing and is now 5 parts in. It’s long, let me warn you 35,169 words and that’s only to the first lil segment of part 5. I really would appreciate any feedback, though things I am interested in the MOST are:
Dialog that is hard to say or would just read better if I said “this” instead of “this”.
Passages that are bland.
Passages that are too long, twisted or just lose you.
Character descriptions...Adequate? Over Done?
Any part(character) you particularly liked?
Any part(character) you particular hated?
Do you have any idea where I am going with this story? (I wrote a screenplay in journalism once and my teacher told me it was “on the nose” which...perplexed the hell out of me until I figured out it was just a nice way of saying predictable...wench. But yeah, I worry that my plot lines are overly see through)
Now this bit is IMPORTANT. Only a very small select few people are going to see this finished due to copyright issues and the like. So, if you are really interested and would like to get the full story as it’s written, and help me in a Beta Reader capacity, please comment, please give me useful feedback AND please tell me if you want to be on the reading list for it.
Alison if you are still with me thanks a bunch in advance. You can contact me in email about it if you’d prefer that to posting.
This is a Romancey/paranormal story using my Carnal Company
characters. It IS NC17 and some of the characters have very foul mouths so,
please be warned and read no further if that sort of thing bothers you.