Wednesday, November 2, 2005
I live like a rat. It wouldn’t matter if my house was worth a million bucks...my study would always always be clutter..
I work best in a nest. All my shit in piles all around me, order in disorder, post-its all over the walls, on the desk and the cat with things like “Dr. Sanderson Nov 21 3:30” and “You want to smoke his pole!”(that last one I found under the desk, appropriately enough) and these are what I use to remember everything from when I need to see my Neurologist to whole scenes between characters in a story that I didn’t have time to write, but that I know will be triggered by a strong catch phrase from the scene. Point is, clutter is my thing, you mess with my mess and you mess me up beyond repair. I can’t function without my mountains of books and notes and gadgets and porn.
Yes...porn. I collect porn.
Penthouse, Playboy, Gallery, Heavy Metal(doesn’t really count bet neh...), these are my chief art reference staples. However, occasionally I get something interesting. This doesn’t count the manga and stuff I get of an anime Yaoi sort of variety of which I am similarly addicted but only got turned onto AFTER I became a penniless bum again...many many many years ago. The real gem of my collection...is the bondage fetish porn.
Now I didn’t buy the stuff, but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t, it just means I’ve never had that kind of cash to throw away, and while it’s all very pretty(except the stuff with yellow latex which for some reason makes me...very ill) it’s not where my personal tastes fall the strongest. It’s mostly heterosexual stuff big guy/little girl, compromising positions, ball gags and lots of whips and leather. Cute, but...not entirely my thing. So it got bottomed shelved.
Where Widget for a short while considered having her kittens, unbeknownst to me.
Today I am cleaning, knowing we’re possibly going to have an inspector come by soon checking in every nook and cranny, and I get under my desk to find....bits of women all tied up...looking horrified, missing limbs. Heads here, arms there. It was a massacre.
Apparently kitty thinks bondage porn makes the bestest bed eva! She shredded the hell out of it. Battered woman confetti.The floor under my drafting table looked like a scene out of Seven or some other psychological horror flick, and I could just imagine what sort of insane serial killer in the making the inspector would have thought me if he’d shined a light under there first.
So I gathered them all up... and burned the bitches.
I’m a little worried about that though too. I’ve got a history with that sort of thing back firing. For example when I was pregnant, I ate a lot of chicken.
I mean...buckets. All I ate was chicken...no vegetables, no beef...chicken chicken chicken. It was all I could keep down. So living on a farm my husband took out the trash daily, all those chicken bits, and put it on the burn pile. Fast forward two months after moving here, my father and brother-in-law show up with a few other members of my family and they are helping scrape the burn pile(you do this ever so often, bag up what doesn’t burn down and take it to a landfill) and they come across chicken bones.
Piles and piles of chicken bones.
Soooo the rumor becomes...Nick is sacrificing puppies and kittens to the debil!!!!
I shit you not.
You’d think my family would know better, but I come from the biggest herd of self-righteous self-absorbed gossip hungry wackos the south can produce. It doesn’t help that I’m not Christian. In this area if you aren’t Christian you are a baby sacrificing, gris gris carrying, heathen.
I have never been so embarrassed for eating chicken in my life. I didn’t touch the stuff again for near a year...
KFC is the debil....true story