Wednesday, November 2, 2005


I live like a rat. It wouldn’t matter if my house was worth a million study would always always be clutter..
I work best in a nest. All my shit in piles all around me, order in disorder, post-its all over the walls, on the desk and the cat with things like “Dr. Sanderson Nov 21 3:30” and “You want to smoke his pole!”(that last one I found under the desk, appropriately enough) and these are what I use to remember everything from when I need to see my Neurologist to whole scenes between characters in a story that I didn’t have time to write, but that I know will be triggered by a strong catch phrase from the scene. Point is, clutter is my thing, you mess with my mess and you mess me up beyond repair. I can’t function without my mountains of books and notes and gadgets and porn. I collect porn.

Penthouse, Playboy, Gallery, Heavy Metal(doesn’t really count bet neh...), these are my chief art reference staples. However, occasionally I get something interesting. This doesn’t count the manga and stuff I get of an anime Yaoi sort of variety of which I am similarly addicted but only got turned onto AFTER I became a penniless bum again...many many many years ago. The real gem of my the bondage fetish porn.

Now I didn’t buy the stuff, but it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t, it just means I’ve never had that kind of cash to throw away, and while it’s all very pretty(except the stuff with yellow latex which for some reason makes me...very ill) it’s not where my personal tastes fall the strongest. It’s mostly heterosexual stuff big guy/little girl, compromising positions, ball gags and lots of whips and leather. Cute, but...not entirely my thing. So it got bottomed shelved.

Where Widget for a short while considered having her kittens, unbeknownst to me.

Today I am cleaning, knowing we’re possibly going to have an inspector come by soon checking in every nook and cranny, and I get under my desk to find....bits of women all tied up...looking horrified, missing limbs. Heads here, arms there. It was a massacre.

Apparently kitty thinks bondage porn makes the bestest bed eva! She shredded the hell out of it. Battered woman confetti.The floor under my drafting table looked like a scene out of Seven or some other psychological horror flick, and I could just imagine what sort of insane serial killer in the making the inspector would have thought me if he’d shined a light under there first.

So I gathered them all up... and burned the bitches.

I’m a little worried about that though too. I’ve got a history with that sort of thing back firing. For example when I was pregnant, I ate a lot of chicken.

I mean...buckets. All I ate was vegetables, no beef...chicken chicken chicken. It was all I could keep down. So living on a farm my husband took out the trash daily, all those chicken bits, and put it on the burn pile. Fast forward two months after moving here, my father and brother-in-law show up with a few other members of my family and they are helping scrape the burn pile(you do this ever so often, bag up what doesn’t burn down and take it to a landfill) and they come across chicken bones.

Piles and piles of chicken bones.

Soooo the rumor becomes...Nick is sacrificing puppies and kittens to the debil!!!!

I shit you not.

You’d think my family would know better, but I come from the biggest herd of self-righteous self-absorbed gossip hungry wackos the south can produce. It doesn’t help that I’m not Christian. In this area if you aren’t Christian you are a baby sacrificing, gris gris carrying, heathen.

I have never been so embarrassed for eating chicken in my life. I didn’t touch the stuff again for near a year...

KFC is the debil....true story


andartha said...

*reads and then re-reads*

# 1:

I know I'm being practical bordering on callous here, but one of the best ways to repair the house is to spend money on it. Not on dogs. Those +2000 $ could have gone towards repairs (or for that matter to your kid's education and health.)

The long-term well-being of your family, your kids OR the well-being of the dogs. At this point, you can't afford both. I know it's an incredibly hard and cruel choice to make, since you love both. But judging by your post, it's an either/or thing and you're the adult, so you're the one who gets to make all the tough and nasty decisions.

# 2

Quote: "...oh she’s dying huh?..." How accurate is this assessment your relative made? I know you're sick right now, and I've been wishing for you to get better these last couple of weeks. If the situation is more serious though, I might have to come up with something better than just wishing....

# 3

If your relatives are to dumb to identify chicken bones on sight, then their IQ has to be somewhere around room temperature. And I'm talking degrees Celsius here, not Fahrenheit. (Unless of course they've been vegetarians all their life and have never ever eaten chicken...or unless they were teasing you.)

I know I'm commenting on pretty personal stuff here, and I'm not quite sure if I'm giving you the kind of answers you were looking for. Furthermore, I know that # 1 may sound a bit high-handed. However, I'm aware that my view of things might not be applicable to your situation since it's filtered by lj and my own view on how best to handle things, so please take what you find useful and don't mind the rest.

Waiving my pom-poms for you and your family,


disturbedgraves said...

#1. LOL They were puppies...this was way way back when before my kids were born and when I still had a job. My point of mentioning it was...I do NOT put the care of my animals on the back burner. At this point we have their rabies shots and we feed them and we try to get them good homes, but that is all we can offer. Honestly feeding them costs too much, but they ARE our responcibility now and our only other choice is to have them put to sleep. Just for clarity...we did NOT go collect these animals...they were literally dropped in our yard and it was take care of them, shoot them, or call the pound to kill them. Also for clarity...the kids do come first, food wise, health wise, whatever they need comes first, dogs second, David third, and if anything is left over I get it...just not alot is left over.

#2. The doctors don't seem to have a clue. Tomorrow I get to go see a cancer and hemotology specialist...because I am losing blood and they don't know how or why. That I am so anemic right now is very dangerous, that they give me blood transfusions and raise my blood levels only to have them drop back again in two weeks is very dangerous.

#3 I don't know if I would call them stupid so much as just really eager to be cruel. No they weren't kidding...they were being nasty about it...I was pregnant at the time and some of them even made allusions to my face that I MIGHT sacrafice the baby...

I totally don't mind you commenting, I'm pretty open about everything, good and bad. As for the dogs, I want them all gone...but I have wanted them gone for years now...I never wanted them to begin with(save for Uriel and Stiggy). I love animals, don't get me wrong, but I've been trying forever to find homes for this last group out here so long that with this going on I am now ready to say to hell with it, and just let the pound take them.

andartha said...

# 1

*grins* Perfectly reasonable all in all. Still, try to winnow your position up to number two. Your kids can make do without the dogs. They can't make do without you or David. ; )

# 2

By now, I know that anemia can come from digestive troubles (Vit B12 metabolism and all that). And of course from a lack of iron. Both are easily curable. However, those are different kinds of anemia from the one you get from bleeding somewhere. Depending on where and how you're loosing blood that might be easily curable too (Stomach ulcers come to mind). IF you should need a bone-marrow donation (and I damn well hope you don't) let me know the specifics...I'm willing to donate if you need it and if I'm compatible (highly unlikely, I know...and I still hope you won't need anything like that.)

# 3

In your life, you always have two families: The one you're born into (or adopted into) and the one you choose for yourself. They might be identical or not, but no matter what, the one you choose is the most important one.

As far as the IQ of your relatives goes (and the EQ too), I'm opting for room temperature, cruelty not withstanding. Of all the dumb comments to make, that must have been the most stupid one.

On strays:

We used to take in strays too (cats only though) and see to it that they were healthy and well-fed and that they went to good homes. There usually were one or two we kept and they became part of the family. Nevertheless, our situation was different(Dad with a good and well-paying job, just one kid around, supportive family...).

Still, we had to have some of them put to sleep (our three dogs too), for various reasons. Sometimes being a responsible adult sucks, because you get caught between a stone and a hard place so often.

scribblekitten said...

Depressing I know, but still workable.

Hang in there baby, we'll work something out. Right now the major issues are keeping you healthy and the kids. The house repairs I can help you with once we get the needed supplies since I'm handy that way. But most of the repair work will have to wait until the trailer is keep all the repairs from having to be redone once the house is realigned again.

We're both having a rough time right now health wise, but I've been trying to ignore most of my problems so that I can expend whatever energy I have to help you. If push comes to and the boys can come live with me. I'd even go outside to smoke or quit. And I've already told you I'd be willing to "get rid" of the dog problems for you if necessary, you know I can do this without emotional issues resulting.

Hehe, you brought up the chicken bones. Damn spiteful in-laws and their fanatical christian beliefs. hehe, this time just make sure all the stuff you burn is cleaned up by David or me real good before the nosy rat bastard bitches get the chance to snoop around again. Beside if they do cause a stink about the burned porn you use to inspiration and art reference...I'll reveal to the county guys which Lilly white Christian gave the stuff to you.

scribblekitten said...

my two cents here on this.

In order to understand the rationale regarding Nick's issues you have to understand the type of people involved. Nick is, like me (her biological Mom), a pagan. Those "family" who are so vicious are not lacking in intelligence, despite the way it looks. Oh of course they knew and recognized what the bones were, what country living person wouldn't? The point was stressed to cause problems on purpose, because Nick and I are pagans and not Christians in the heart of the Bible belt.

Our father is Moslem, who at times turns a blind eye to our choice of faith, but is suspicious and at times willing to accept the worse family gossip regarding our religious practices in order to keep peace with the majority of our family. That being the issue, we are seen as the black sheep in the fold. Usually, all can be set right with a good talking to him in a resonable manner to clear up the lair's misdeeds.

Those who are causing the problems with Nick, have also repeatedly in the past and recently attempted to do the same with me. They are not blood kin, but family through marriage who can force compliance from our siblings they are married to. They are spiteful, cruel and greedy rat bastards and profess to be devoted Christians. They feel if Nick and I are removed from our parents favor...they will soon inherit the family estate when our sick parents die soon. At present the estate will be divided 4 ways. It's all politics, but we know our enemies and will overcome.

scribblekitten said...

Re: Emotional Intelligence

Let me explain a bit more about out faimly. These relatives that are the bane of our existence, know what they are doing and don't care. They can at times appear quite sincere and compassionate when the incentive to do is high enough for them. You see there are people out there that just enjoy being "nasty" or mean because it keeps things agitated, gives them something to get involved in, gives them the opportunity to feel important or superior to others. This type of person usually has an over inflated ego and basically low self esteem, so they enjoy tearing down others who make them face their own failures or shine above them. These are the type of people our siblings have the misfortune to marry. They know what their spouses are and have tried to change them, but that is harder to do once one is emotionally entangled with such a person with children born of the relationship.

Our family structure is one that is basically tradition patriarchal clan based with the eldest father the head of our clan, but the rub comes from the diversity of our member's addition through marriage of different faiths and backgrounds. The old adage "blood is thicker than water" is the back bone of our family and all blood kin do adhere to it. It is those who are not blood kin and are in the lower ranking who wish to assert their spouses and themselves into a better position. I'm the eldest child, Nick is my sole heir, but is also the "baby" by adoption in the nucleus family group, which grants her a unique full share of the family estate once our parents die. Before her adoption by my parents, I was the only one my in-laws enjoyed attacking because I worked closely with my parents. The reason being as you said, we are very useful to the group, but also because of our standing. As the eldest sibling, I will remain in a positon of authority even after our brother assumes the title of clan leader upon my father's passing. As I said, it's all politics.

We both have skills that none of the others have or can do, which puts us both in a position of high demand and favor of our parents and relatives. This structure has worked well over the years for generations and only since the recent inclusion of the in-laws with different values and beliefs has it become a problem. It isn't stupidity to hold on to or belong to a strong family support system like this unless you are an outsider wishing to disrupt and change it through nefarious methods as our in-law relatives have done for their own benefit. That is why our father and blood kin can be reasoned with when these issues come about.

Yes, you're right those who resort to the use of manipulative and devious acts will reap what they sow in time. They lack the insight of what they are doing or ignore it for their own selfish gains for which are obvious to all around. But it takes time to bring their mechanisms to light with solid proof and counter. Dad does empathize with us, but he is in a very difficult position with poor health which these deviants are using to their advantage. He must listen to all sides, weight the evidence and make decisions that are best for all involved including his own, my mother's, the grandkids and the clan as a whole's well fare. It takes much interaction, communication back and forth of all members working together to correct the misdeeds of the few.

I'm familiar with Desiderata and live my life by the principle of "Do no harm to others, for what you do whether good or bad will return to you ten fold."

scribblekitten said...

Re: Emotional Intelligence

IQ or EQ are relative figures that changes based on your exposure and knowledge learned in the areas discussed or questioned. For example: A person might score high on a test for empirical knowledge (knowledge gained from formal teaching or books), but will be assessed as below normal in common sense knowledge (Knowledge gained by life experience and trail and error). This is why IQ scores are not dependable methods of judging one's intellectual abilities. In order to gain a true snapshot of a person's mental capacity for intellectual thought processing a full battery of mental tests must be completed. But this still will be only a shadow of what is possible for the individual because they don't take into account a person's emotional reactions, instincts possibility which change with each situation and mood change and the test reviewer's interpretation of the results. As such IQ, is a rough way to say, "I believe you think and will act like this in this given situation," but isn't written in stone. EQ values are obtained in the same fashion, but depend on the subject being truthful and forth coming with answers.