Monday, January 17, 2005

A few days ago, I got a call from of all brother, whom I have not spoken to since late 95.

They, my brothers, are beautiful. They truly are. I haven’t seen them since they were cub young as my two boys are now. I didn’t cry in front of them, but damn did I let it out once I had a chance to get home and reflect.

Marcus is just a doll...and so much bigger than I’d expected, makes me look like a midget, but just as pretty as I ALWAYS told people he was gonna be(actually used to argue with David about it when he was little because his head was a lil bit big for his body. He’s certainly grown into it now though!). And Scotty is adorable...This boy used to be so quiet, I remember actually forgetting he was around when I would visit as a teenager...and now it just helps me realize what a self absorbed lil shit I was back then. The person I am now would never ever have forgotten and dismissed someone like Scotty(he was my first born BLOOD brother) but back then(10- age 18 maybe?)I just hardly noticed him...Couldn’t help but notice Marcus and my little sister Noel...those two used to practically hang off my arms. Scotty however, was quiet, a lil squeaky when he did talk, and just sweetly reserved...he’s so energetic now, and both boys have the best sense of humor.

Scotty actually has a wife and a 19 month old baby, sweet baby too...really makes me want another. I think I am actually going to like my sister in-law as well...which would be a first. I normally hate my in-laws, but she just seems like the nicest girl, and she puts up with all those boys so well.

I had a good time with them all...I can’t believe I am saying that, but I did. My uncle Rick hasn’t changed much at all...still has the best eyes...and oh my god the way he sits in a chair, he makes smoking look so attractive. I feel...positively blessed to have been able to see them again...and I gotta say, I think the siblings fill a big hole in my life that I didn’t even realize was there...I wish I could have seen Noel...but I am supposed to go back sometime later in the month to have dinner and meet with them again. I think, after having seen them again, that I will never just back away from them again...regardless of what happens between my biological father or whatever wife he has at the time(currently on number 3 or 4).

I think David is still a bit skeptical, several times since he and I have been together we’ve tried to work things out with this side of my family...but it’s just never meshed. I really hope this won’t be the case this time...I think I will do everything in my power to make sure that is never the case again.

I love them to death. I’ve very proud of how they turned out...I know it had to have been rough, maybe they don’t even realize how rough it was, but they turned out real good despite that.

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